“LETGO” short film 2022
This was the final for my intro to film class. The general assignment did not interest me, but the professor said that we could pitch alternate ideas to her and run with them after approval. After that class period was over, I approached her with my pitch: “Challenge me.”
After the following session of FMS200, my professor, Tonia Hughes had the challenge prepared for me. The assignment was one that she was given in grad school at Georgia State University: Create a short film where the script is exclusively that of a children's book, but that conveys an adult narrative.
I began with Æsop's fables, and even created an entire pitch based on this lead. After lots of reading and brainstorming, I realized that (1) the fables were too short for a final project, (2) the narratives were already pretty ‘adult’, and (3) I had no lasting spark during my hours of reading. Back to the drawing board. It was impossible to even start without having a book picked out. I went to some bookstores and sat in the kids section, reading entire books (only the ones with lots of pictures) and even purchased a few. Those still didn’t get my mind moving like I was hoping. It began to set in that I got the challenge that I asked for.
Later in the week, feeling like I was falling behind, I got a library card and plopped down criss cross applesauce in the kids section. I felt a bit crazy but it didn’t take long for my worries of external perception to go away. Book after book, picture after picture, concept after concept, it all slipped past without the “Aha!” moment I was hoping for. I left the first time with nothing and planned to go back the next day.
I can’t remember if it was just 2 visits or more, but even just 2 visits to the library was more for me than the previous 4 years combined. I never considered myself a reader, as I excelled in the left-brain subjects. In 2nd-5th grade, me and one other student were separated from the rest of the class during English to work with a different teacher. We read slowly and doubled down on simple grammar rules. Even if that was helpful, it created a story in my mind that I hate reading which followed me through high school and beyond.
One night, I went back to the library after eating a gram or so of psychedelic mushrooms. I don’t know if this helped at all, but after at least an hour if not more, I left with 2 books. One was a “Baa Baa Black Sheep” picture book. The nursery rhyme painted pictures in my head immediately. I have always felt like a black sheep; like I don’t fit in. I am biracial, and was homeschooled until second grade. When I entered public school I noticed the feeling that I didn’t fit in with the white kids or the black, and ended up with one or two friends at a time who were also black sheep. The other aspect of the story that brushed my brain with color was the repeated call for more wool, followed by an obedient “Yes miss, yes miss, 3 bags full.” This giving until there was nothing left added depressed blues and angry reds to the canvas in my mind.
The other book I grabbed was a novel called “Elsewhere” by Alexis Schaitkin. The book earned its visit to my apartment with a beautiful cover, and a hope that it might take me elsewhere. You see, while in the brainstorming phase of this project, I was dealing with loneliness, specifically in the vein of family. I couldn't escape the feeling that we were fragmented, and pulling further apart as time goes on. In exploring this feeling, I recall scrolling through my father's Instagram, which to my surprise, went all the way back to 2011. Many of the images and captions offered trips of nostalgia and unlocked memories that had been covered in dust for years. One photo in particular broke through an emotional threshold. An image of my older sibling me, while I was holding my younger sibling, while my younger sibling held the star which was to be placed on top of the Christmas tree. I cried HARD and was left feeling empty… so yes, I wanted this “Elsewhere” book to take me away.
Unfortunately, Three Little Diggs (as my mom would say) have grown apart in multiple ways. My younger sibling moved to California for school, and my older sibling moved to Ohio to live with an online friend. Both of them have transitioned, and changed their names and identities. I respect their decisions and will fight anyone who doesn’t, but I must admit that I am left with some pain, missing the sisters that I grew up with. It is a weird thing to deal with, and to this day I know that I need to talk to them about these feelings. I just haven’t had the balls to start that conversation.
In embracing my inner child, trying to hold him tight in a storm of confusing feelings, I started on a film that explores youthful activities as an escape from the adult world. Playing games and building legos are seen as immature, and are often shunned by other “adults,” so we strip our own joys away and drink instead. What is the difference between childish and childlike? Should we embrace the adult world and forget the child we once were, or let them lead from time to time?
There are some obvious flaws with the film, but I dont see myself going back and reshooting it. I would rather move on to new things.
Fun fact: during the making of this film, I read that “Elsewhere” book from cover to cover, making it the first novel I read in full since the “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” series. This assignment helped me realize that I enjoy reading.
